looking back | stepping ahead
We’re on the cusp of change. Still, that heady time of spring cannot arrive soon enough for me. Although I’m anchored in the present (pragmatism has a way of stealing desire’s thunder) I’m easily distracted by a longing for the days to come. We’ve had windows open in the house, only mere inches, but enough to budge winter’s staleness and invite a timid breeze in. I dip into my archive of photos seeking reminders of spring, and drift away for an hour or more. I comfort myself with this thought: hidden beneath the still crystalline ground, transformation is unfolding in quiet but furious ways. For those of us held so long in winter’s clutches, cut off from scent and warmth and renewal, the promise of greening and golden light is absolute sustenance for the soul.
I lie in bed in the morning, eyes still closed, listening to the warbling of birds as they touch down outside my window. It’s a sound as comforting and reverent as any I know. This past week I had conversations with my two oldest girl friends, one in Ecuador, the other who’s just arrived in British Columbia. They too are birds in flight, encountering changes of season, terrain and heart. They remain steadfast in their journeys, no matter how life causes them to sway. I lean into the sound of their voices, the comforting timbre and familiar laughter. Recognizing that I need the reassurance of their being as much as I need the promise of good things to come.
Change can be frightening when it strips us of our familiars, leaving us vulnerable to uncertainty. It’s also mysterious, exciting and ripe with chance if we yield to it. I’m ready to feel the squelch of mud beneath my boots and a cool breeze against my bare neck. I’m ready to watch grey clouds collide with fragments of sun. I’m ready to relinquish layers and pack away duvets. I’m ready to sidestep puddles and happen upon tender green shoots. I’m ready to walk away from the comfort of routine and walk fearlessly towards the unknown. I’m ready to pay attention to my body’s need for sleep and equally, vigorous movement. I’m ready to create with unfettered joy and curious abandon. I’m ready to say goodbye to the wild rambling places I’ve known and carry those memories with me always, pristine and magical. I’m ready to witness transformation, eyes wide open, and be present with all my heart and soul.